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Personal Power Stoppers

admin — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 16:17:22 +0000

When we think of certain people, we get an image of them doing what they do most often. For example, there’s “The Complainer” who is always kvetching and bellyaching. Things just don’t go right in this person’s universe and the focus is mostly on what’s wrong. This creates an energy field of lack and pain that begets more problems to complain about — and the cycle goes on and on – like a vicious circle.

Can the Circle be Broken?

Of course it can — by taking responsibility for our part in creating these cycles. Are there areas in your life where you “just don’t have any luck,” such as romance, or “things just don’t go your way” like being passed over for job promotions?

Perhaps at some point you accepted conventional wisdom, “We Smiths just can’t get ahead like other families” or something traumatic happened and you made a decision, which then became a self-perpetuating “truth” that you tell yourself.

Taking Responsibility for Outcomes

When you take responsibility for your behavior, you take your power back, because you can change your behavior and ditch the endless cycle of problems that is working against you. Here are four power stoppers that are helpful to recognize:

Blame

“I didn’t do it!” “It’s her fault!” When you blame someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your part in the situation.

It takes two to tango. Instead of blaming someone else, ask yourself, “How did I contribute to this?” Perhaps you went into a situation thinking it would turn out badly (time to clean up your thoughts and make positive intentions), or you didn’t actively “do” anything, but you allowed the situation to happen by being passive — another power drain!

Self-Pity

Have you ever met a sad sack who is endlessly moaning, “Poor me, I never get what I want,” or “Nobody likes me.” These people exude energy that no one wants to be around, creating a self-perpetuating cycle. They are seeking sympathy, so when you suggest ideas to improve their lives, they are not interested.

Taking some action to get or do something for yourself and then expressing self-appreciation for your efforts can help shift self-pity. The old adage, “To get a friend, be a friend,” is an example of taking an action that could create a new outcome.

Righteousness

Whether a rabble-rouser or doom and gloomer, most self-righteous people are extremely rigid in their thinking: black/white, good/bad. They don’t like to be wrong or admit mistakes.

A self-righteous attitude may leave you feeling victorious, but it can also alienate you from others and you may feel depleted afterward instead. The key is to practice being more open-minded and curious about the other person’s viewpoint. You don’t have to change your mind, but you can agree to disagree, which leaves both parties feeling empowered.

Martyrdom

Martyrs put themselves last and by doing so often feel a sense of superiority. They say, “I’ll clean up,” or “I’ll stay late at work — I’m the only one who does things right around here anyway.” A martyr will often justify their behavior by saying that others expect them to carry the burden or depend on them, but then resent it.

Putting yourself first for a change can give you a new perspective and help you to break free from this cycle. Maybe, reward yourself for no reason and notice how that feels.

Payoffs

No one would do any of these behaviors unless there was a payoff. Sometimes the “devil you know” seems easier and oddly more comforting than stretching your wings and discovering more pleasant ways of being.

To illustrate, it could be that Ms. Self Pity got a doctor’s kit with candy pills and tons of daddy’s attention at age 6, when she got the chicken pox. Getting sick and being “poor me” paid off as a child. Of course, it all started very innocently in childhood when there is insufficient cognitive development or conscious awareness to know otherwise. When this pattern continues to unconsciously play out in life as an adult, the outcomes are probably not as satisfying.

When you notice yourself drifting into one of these behaviors, ask yourself:

“What is my part in this?”
and
“What do I need to change in myself to create a better outcome?”

Once you get clarity, you can cease these self-perpetuating loops.

The paradox of these four behaviors is that by humbling yourself and taking responsibility, you increase your personal power. Your thoughts and beliefs create a positive or negative vibration. In taking your power back, you are declaring that you are not a victim of a random universe where “That’s just the way it is,” you know yourself as a powerful creator with the ability to change your beliefs and any situation in your favor.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah Lindholm works with individuals ready to move beyond the fear, confusion or doubt that holds them back, by learning to work with their inner awareness and inner power and apply that deep inner wisdom in their life where it counts. If you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at www.serenitymatters.com

Spot Check Your Conscious Awareness

Deborah — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 05:30:49 +0000

To become a conscious human being requires becoming aware of what you are doing, how you are feeling, and the thoughts you are creating moment to moment. This level of conscious awareness goes hand-in-hand with “being present” or “in the moment.”

Conscious awareness is important because your thoughts and feelings spiral out and create your reality. Ideally, awareness of yourself in each moment supports you to consciously create more of what you want in life rather than what you don’t want.

When you are wrapped up in a task that takes all of your focus and attention, you are truly living in the moment. This could mean anything from working, to concentrating on your taxes, to being in the arms of your beloved, to a creative endeavor that you are so engrossed in that time seems to fly – three hours go by in what seems like three minutes.

For the rest of the time, it’s easy to drift along and allow our thoughts to go in a direction that is a far cry from what it looks like our attention is on in the moment. We ruminate on the past or think about what we need to accomplish in the future or how it might unfold.

As multi-taskers, we can drive our car while listening to the radio and with our thoughts relive an argument we had yesterday, feel the anger again and worry about how the conversation will go tomorrow. That’s typical, but mental and emotional distractions like these can interfere with our current focus, like driving, and we might narrowly miss getting in a car wreck. Or, end up having no quiet time in our thinking to allow inspiration to bubble up or for the solution of a problem to emerge, because our thoughts are running amuck.

When self-awareness is lacking, we are more likely to haphazardly create our reality or something consciously undesirable or maybe even a disaster. Furthermore, we are unable to connect with our inner power and utilize all of our inner resources, when our attention is momentarily aimlessly directed.

How can we become more present in our daily lives — while driving, waiting in line at the grocery store or bank, while cooking or exercising? Well, we can increase our level of consciousness by becoming more personally aware.

3 Strategies to Spot Check Your Conscious Awareness

The strategies that follow are useful to bring your attention to your inner world, which reflects your level of consciousness. Utilize all or one technique, depending upon your circumstances, to rapidly achieve a higher level of consciousness.

Notice Inner Stress - Are you feeling stressed? What kinds of thoughts are circling your brain? What is the emotion associated with the thoughts? Ask yourself: Are these thoughts true? Are they helpful? Give yourself a counteracting positive belief to neutralize an undesirable thought.

Focus on Body Sensations – Focus in on a place in your body where an uncomfortable sensation, thought or feeling resides. Instead of being angry at or resenting this sensation, send it love. Ask this body part, thought or emotion if it has a message for you. Get quiet and listen for the answer.

Ground Yourself Energetically - Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart and consciously breathe into it. Imagine putting a grounding cord down from the base of your spine all the way into the center of the planet. Tell yourself to release anything that’s not serving you down into the cord. Now imagine that everything is perfect in this moment as you envision that cord shooting right up into the cosmos as it stays connected below.

By nature, becoming more self-aware encompasses the state of being present with what you are doing, feeling and thinking in each moment. When we consciously monitor ourselves in this way, we do not allow the outside world to upset our inside world. Events don’t “run” us, we “run” them. Rather than being in a stressed state, we can step back and be in the observer mode, a higher level of consciousness, and only then can we recognize what the moment truly brings us.

The Power of Your Intentions

Deborah — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 05:29:47 +0000

This is the time of year people make well-meaning goals for themselves about what they “should” do – lose the weight, sip green drinks with flax seeds, and get in shape. The gyms fill up, irritating the regulars. But by February the gym is emptied of new members and things are back to normal.

That’s the way it goes with New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions often don’t work because people are concentrating on their negative traits, asking “What’s wrong with me?” and “How can I fix it?” Resolutions can be associated with denying oneself pleasure and suffering to get results. It’s almost as if you were “bad” last year and you punish yourself — at least until you slack off – then you receive the added bonus of feeling even worse now that you’re a failure too.

There is an easier, gentler and more effective way to go – by using the power of intentions every day – not just at the start of the year. Intentions can be used for each situation you encounter. You can wake up in the morning and have an intention for your day: “I intend to accomplish my tasks with joy, ease and grace.” Or set an intention before you walk into a meeting about the desired outcome, how you want to feel, or that all hearts will align for the highest good.

Intentions are propelled by the momentum of renewal and flow. They change as you grow because they are predicated on taking your emotional temperature. A good question to ask is “How do I want to feel in this situation?”

Exercise: Setting Intentions

As you go about your days this week, practice setting intentions: Think of how you will feel and what a difference it will make in your life. You can set intentions for:

The entire day
Phone calls with clients
Meetings or client sessions at work
Your exercise routine
Dinnertime with the kids
Exchanges with your spouse
Homework time
Personal projects or special events

Just thinking about the desired outcome makes you feel uplifted, and it’s possible to make an overarching intention for your life, such as “I am healthy, loving, prosperous and joyful.”

Keep your intentions evolving and notice when they don’t motivate you anymore. As you use this tool, you’ll find you may achieve the desired outcome, but you might not feel the way you want to — there’s a missing element. You’ll always need to modify, deepen or change intentions entirely as you grow. Say you achieved your money goal but you’re exhausted. Your next intention may be that your work will seem like play. And when you add concepts such as “happy surprises,” you leave room for something good to happen outside the realm of what you can conceive.

Exercise: Expanding Your World with Intentions

The more you set intentions, the more you are consciously co-creating your life. To further reinforce this, make lists of intentions and be sure to check them off.

Every day congratulate yourself for what you accomplished. At times, a celebration may even be in order.

Read client testimonials or thank you cards over and over. Really take in the words and be aware of the powerful and positive contribution you are making.

By the same token, give recognition to others when they do something notable, and speak from your heart. Not many people notice and comment on others’ attributes, so it takes some courage. Think back to things people have said about you and notice how it gave you confidence. As you do that for others, you are creating a positive intention for them, and a ripple effect of kindness that can change the world as you know it.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? ? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah Lindholm works with individuals ready to move beyond the fear, confusion or doubt that holds them back, by learning to work with their inner awareness and inner power and apply that deep inner wisdom in their life where it counts. If you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at www.serenitymatters.com

How to Handle Your Regrets

Deborah — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 17:20:28 +0000

We often label our past decisions, situations and experiences as either “good” or “bad” and those judgments are sometimes related to what we regret.

Imagine going through life and finding the balance between two opposing decisions rather than having regrets or judgments about them later on. Whether they’re in the past or present, balance can be achieved by bringing your conscious awareness to the situations.

As you tap into your consciousness, you’re able to stand in the middle and see the totality of a situation. Circumstances can then be seen with appreciation for everything — even events or actions at opposite ends of the spectrum.

When you see clearly that one choice, which perhaps seemed “bad,” but led to something you deemed “good,” you begin to appreciate how “good” and “bad” can become “it just is.” And, this takes the sting out of it, helping relieve the regret over choosing one course of action over another.

As adults, we know that most things in life can have an upside and a downside. When you buy a house, perhaps you want a place to start a family, a home you can remodel any way you like, or a refuge of privacy and quiet. The downside includes major repairs, finding your tax bill in the mailbox, or watching your property values plummet. When you take responsibility for these downsides before you buy the home, you accept them with equanimity when they appear. Because your view of the situation is balanced, the result is that you have less regrets and
“it just is.”

What do you do though when you have past regrets or you’re not at peace with “it just is” or you haven’t adopted a balanced perspective for a current decision you’re facing?

Clear Out Old Regrets – It’s a good idea to first look back at the past with an expanded perspective and appreciation.

Take a piece of paper or your notebook. Write out at the top of the page, “What Do I Regret in My Life?” Now answer these questions as honestly as you can:

Who did I think I would “be” by now?
What did I think I could do?
What did I think my life would be like?
Where have I made mistakes?
How have I failed?

Then start a fresh sheet of paper and consider these questions:

What have I learned from this choice?
How has this experience served me?
Where has this decision enriched my life?
What gifts came out of this experience?
How do I love myself in this situation?

Choose Your Regrets with Awareness – If you’re wrestling with a current situation, then consciously choose your regrets. This is a by-product of the well-known process of weighing the pros and cons of a decision.

Imagine that you could propel yourself forward in time and look back at your choice. Which decision would you regret more? How would you, for example, choose your regrets with the following circumstances?

Taking a job that gives you more time with your family but pays less
Deciding whether to have another child
Moving to be near grown children and grandchildren
Getting a divorce
Going back to school
Starting your own business

Now answer the following questions for any major decisions that you’re now facing:

What are the upsides to your choice?
How would your life change?
What would you be gaining?
What are the downsides?
What would you be giving up?
How would you make peace ahead of time with yourself?

As you choose your regrets with awareness, you’ll no longer torture yourself by believing you did something stupid or made an unredeemable error. When it comes to the big decisions in your life, make a commitment to stand by all of your choices.

By looking at each of your decisions straight in the eye, accepting the joys and the challenges, you’ll find your own state of balance before you even embark on any new journey. Regrets will be few as you accept and appreciate what “is” along the way.

Be Thankful for Who You are Right Now

Deborah — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 22:23:39 +0000

The Thanksgiving holiday offers opportunities to reflect on what we are grateful for in our lives. Many times this means other people – our spouse or partner, our children, our friends and neighbors, and the coworkers and clients who matter to us.

As we find ourselves doing special things with others and for others this holiday season, it opens up a space for loving feelings for ourselves as well. Coming from a space of gratitude and open-heartedness for the people in our lives makes it easier to find compassion, love and acceptance for ourselves. In a perfect cycle, we are continually enriched and nourished by this circle of loving kindness.

During the holidays, if you find yourself out of sorts and in a phase where extra forgiveness or kindness for yourself is necessary, here’s a valuable exercise:

Practice Unconditional Love for Yourself

Close your eyes and imagine you are cradling yourself in your arms and loving yourself just the way you would love an innocent, beautiful baby, or your “fur baby” pet. Direct that love at that baby – yourself — in your arms and let that love come from your heart, wash over and encapsulate you.

To everything there is a season . . .

Have you ever gazed at a bare tree in the wintertime at dusk – really seeing it? Even though the leaves are gone, the stark black branches look achingly beautiful against the pink and orange sky. Perhaps you love fall foliage and aren’t looking forward to winter. Maybe you’d rather enjoy spring blossoms on the tree or lie under its shade in the heat of the summer. Still, you’re appreciating and loving that tree just the way it is, and you’re aware of that unique moment in time. No matter what the season, the beauty of the experience still infuses you with loving feelings.

The same can be said for yourself – there is beauty and appreciation to be had whether you’re in the summer, autumn or winter of your life.

When you have gratitude for the place you have reached and there is no resistance, no “buts,” no second-guessing, simply total acceptance for your life and the paths you’ve taken – then you are able to go forward with nothing stopping you.

Appreciate and Be Thankful for Who You are Right Now

Like the rings on a tree that record the growth of the tree over time, we too are always personally growing in ways that may or may not be visible to us. It can be beneficial to acknowledge how we have changed and grown from time to time.

By bringing all the parts of you up to date with who you are now, you will be able to unconditionally love and appreciate yourself more as you move into the new year – with no baggage, regrets or negative feelings. Take a moment to ponder how you are different now from last Thanksgiving or from five years ago.

Get out some paper and a pen or start a Thanksgiving Journal that year after year you record your self-acknowledgments in a visible record of the “rings in your tree.” Really take some private, loving time for yourself to answer the following questions truthfully and thoughtfully.

Ask yourself these questions and keep the focus on how you’ve grown or are growing now. If something comes up that was a rough patch or is causing you stress, consider how the experience was of benefit to you or how it’s helping you to personally grow now.

“Who do I know myself to be right now in all of my relationships – with my spouse or partner, family, friends, co-workers, clients, customers and my community?”

“What roles do I play in my relationships and how do I add comfort, ease and joy to the lives of others and make a difference?”

“What commitments, big and small, have I made and how do I honor them with joy and a generosity of spirit?”

“What have I done that has positively affected the overall quality of my life, my whole being, the state of my health, my career and my finances?”

“Where have I put my focus that has made a noticeable difference for me personally or for someone or something else?”

Just as you admired the tree in winter, you’ll likely find you are grateful for challenges that stretched you or showed you how powerful you are. You’ll see how well you’ve done in your life emotionally and spiritually. And you’ll find compassion for yourself with the realization that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Only from this place of being thankful for who you are can you move into a place of even greater love, self-acceptance, gratitude and joy.

Be Thankful for Who You are Right Now

Deborah — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 15:16:17 +0000

During the holidays, if you find yourself out of sorts and in a phase where extra forgiveness or kindness for yourself is necessary, here’s a valuable exercise:

Practice Unconditional Love for Yourself

To everything there is a season . . .

The same can be said for yourself – there is beauty and appreciation to be had whether you’re in the summer, autumn or winter of your life.

Appreciate and Be Thankful for Who You are Right Now

“Who do I know myself to be right now in all of my relationships – with my spouse or partner, family, friends, co-workers, clients, customers and my community?”

“What roles do I play in my relationships and how do I add comfort, ease and joy to the lives of others and make a difference?”

“What commitments, big and small, have I made and how do I honor them with joy and a generosity of spirit?”

“What have I done that has positively affected the overall quality of my life, my whole being, the state of my health, my career and my finances?”

“Where have I put my focus that has made a noticeable difference for me personally or for someone or something else?”

Three Signs that You are Afraid of Your Power

Deborah — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 11:50:05 +0000

The word power almost always conjures up images of power in the outside world. Power seems to be outer-directed; power dominates — having power over another, a situation, a corporation or geographic areas or populations.

However, we often forget that personal power has nothing to do with domination. Personal power is about being comfortable with yourself, being able to be as kind to yourself as you are to others, and speaking your mind rather than stuffing your thoughts or emotions. Personal power feels good, it helps you get projects done with positive energy, it gives you courage, and it makes you strong and leads to leadership and finding your unique mission and purpose.

Often, there are signs in daily life that show us how we are blocking our personal power. These signals can be small and subtle and they come from within, beckoning us to express our personal power.

The First Sign

The first sign that you are afraid of your own power is that you hold yourself back when you want to express something. Perhaps you are afraid of being recognized or you sense that the wisdom is coming from a place deep inside – this is not any off-the cuff remark – it has real substance and it takes courage to put it out there.

You really get to know you were holding yourself back when someone else expresses the exact same statement you were going to say and they get all sorts of positive feedback for it. People are actually in awe of it.

The First Remedy

What can you do to make yourself feel better and purge your disappointment when you know you’ve held yourself back?

Stream-of-consciousness writing helps clear the emotions and is very effective, but go a step further. Practice writing with your non-dominant hand, letting whatever wants to come out flow onto the page. This bypasses resistance so you can get to the root of what’s stopping you and then ease yourself out of this pattern of holding back.

Sign Number Two

You get an impulse or a fleeting idea, an impression of something to do or to take action on, or a precognition. It’s nothing fearful; it’s more of a neutral “hit” or intuition. But you ignore it, and you don’t act on it. Maybe it’s as simple as seeing a tablecloth on sale that you really want and you talk yourself out of it. Later, at an impromptu party, it’s the perfect thing you could have used.

You find yourself saying, “Darn, I knew that,” “I didn’t listen to myself” or “I should have done that.’

Remedy Number Two

It’s a little thing, so it’s a great opportunity to practice forgiveness. You learned something from it, after all! Say something such as, “I’ll be sure to listen next time.” It’s important not to make a big deal out of it and condemn yourself.

Practicing forgiveness for ourselves is beneficial because if we can do it in the little things, we can do it in the bigger things. Then there’s less baggage to take with us into future situations. We can be clearer, and when we are operating in clarity, we achieve results – there are no dueling intentions, cross purposes and mixed messages.

The Third Sign

The third sign is that you’re not giving yourself enough credit for how connected you are to your inner awareness. You’re lacking self-appreciation and recognition of the role your inner guidance plays all the time and you’re just not noticing it.

The Third Remedy

You are learning to follow your guidance and the prompting’s of your own heart. This is not an exact science. So give yourself credit and express gratitude to yourself.

A fun remedy is to make yourself a personal commercial about how wonderful you are. A good time to do this is in the morning when you are brushing your teeth or hair.

Look in the mirror and say, “I appreciate everything about you. I appreciate all that you are and your wise counsel.” We don’t really stop and appreciate ourselves enough. So look yourself in the eyes and give yourself loving and meaningful messages for at least one minute.

When you become conscious of the signs that you are afraid of your inner power and then you apply the remedies, you’ll be allowing your inner power to shine through — and it has no choice but to magnificently reflect itself in the outer world.

Anxiety Disorders Are Real

Deborah — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 04:32:06 +0000

We’ve all felt anxious at one point or another; it’s a perfectly normal response to stress. Feeling fear and anxiety actually helps us to accurately respond to unsafe situations when there is a real danger or threat. However, people with anxiety disorders feel stress even if there is nothing in reality to set it off. This can cause problems with their mental health, personal relationships, jobs, finances and physical health.

Not all anxiety disorders are the same; there are actually several different classes. Plus, just because someone has one disorder doesn’t mean they can’t have another, or at least have some overlapping symptoms. Here’s a basic overview of the broad types of anxiety disorders.

Generalized anxiety disorder – While it is normal for people to worry occasionally about things when there are lots of stressors, people with generalized anxiety disorder tend to never stop worrying. They may be worried about finances even if they have adequate resources, or constantly expecting bad things to happen even when they don’t. This constant stress can also lead to physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, muscle aches, trembling, twitching, hot flashes, sweating, and difficulty swallowing.

Panic disorder – Unlike generalized anxiety disorder, people with panic disorder don’t have anxiety all the time. Anxiety attacks hit suddenly and without warning or cause. An anxiety or panic attack is characterized by a tight, pounding chest, terror, difficulty breathing, dizziness, shaking, nausea, numbness in extremities, chills or hot flashes, and a fear of losing control.

Social anxiety disorder – This is also known as social phobia and is an extreme fear of social interaction. People with this disorder are constantly worried about people judging them or about being embarrassed in front of others. For some people, the disorder is so severe they don’t participate in normal social activities and some are even mute in certain situations.

Post traumatic stress disorder – This diagnosis has become much more prevalent in the past few years. Often, people become ridden with anxiety after a traumatic event and constantly worry about similar situations happening again. For more severe cases, the person can be left unable to live their normal life again. While stressful events trigger the symptoms, not everyone in a similar situation will develop PTSD.

Obsessive compulsive disorder – This is an anxiety disorder that includes persistent unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions). Someone may obsess over germs and then compulsively clean and sanitize. Compulsive behavior often includes rituals that must be done before a person can go on with their daily lives and activities.

The problem with some anxiety disorders is that many people don’t even realize they have them. If they’ve had the problem their whole life, it’s something they simply see as a normal part of life. Others may likely see them as overprotective or simply a worry wart and just write it off. While it may just seem like an inconvenience, it can build into a real problem and have consequences.

The good news is that these disorders are treatable. Medications are helpful for people with severe anxiety disorders. Often, for women in particular, the correction of hormonal imbalances will alleviate symptoms of anxiety. In the case of milder anxiety disorders, there are many complementary therapies and self-help treatments that can bring relief and help a person live a normal, healthy life. According to a study in the October 2004 issue of MJA, evidence supports the effectiveness of exercise, kava, relaxation training, audio programs, acupuncture, music and meditation as treatments for these disorders.