Becoming Complaint Free
By · CommentsWhat Are You Complaining About?
Ever pay attention to what your complaints are? Ever try to go complaint free? Complaints are by and large a symptom of unhappiness. Encarta defines them as:
- statement of unhappiness: a statement expressing discontent or unhappiness about
a situation
- If you have any complaints, talk to the manager.
- something making somebody unhappy: something that makes somebody
discontented or unhappy
Are You Unhappy?
Sometimes we go about life completely unaware of how profoundly unhappy we are. We manage the day to day tasks and we’re so totally busy that we don’t even pause to evaluate if we’re happy, content or peaceful.
If we were to pause and take an honest look at our state of serenity and explore whether we’re on the right path, then the answer would probably be fairly obvious. A great way to make a quick assessment is to explore what you’re complaining about.
What do you constantly complain about?
Very few things are completely perfect. You can have a splendid day and still get a flat tire. You can be living your ideal life and still get a pounding headache. Things happen. Occasional complaints are normal and how you handle them and respond to them are indications of whether you’re on the right path.
Complaints that are chronic and recurring are the external result of internal discontent. So real quick, think about what you’re complaining about? Do you find that the complaints are all related to a common theme or a few common themes?
The great news is that by simply taking a look at what you’re complaining about, you can see where you need to make changes.
For example, if you find that you’re often complaining about your boss then you know that it’s time to do some work around your relationship with this person, or perhaps about your career. Maybe you vent about your boss, but your career is unfulfilling and your boss is simply an easy target.
Turning Complaints Into Positive Action
Complaints are by their very nature negative. They’re chock full of negative energy and they draw more negative energy to them. So if you’re complaining regularly about your health, well guess what…your health isn’t going to get better because you’re drawing more ill health to you.
However because they are easy to recognize, complaints can also be a powerful source of opportunity. Every time you complain you can stop, think about it, and do some internal evaluation. Eventually, you’ll be able to stop and turn your complaint into a positive statement and draw what you want to you rather than more unpleasantness into your life.
Becoming Complaint Free
The Rev. Will Bowen, author of A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted challenged his congregation to live complaint free. In order to help them remember to stop complaints before they speak they wear a purple bracelet. Every time they complained they were to remove the bracelet or switch it to their other wrist – the goal being to go complaint free for 21 days straight.
Recognizing your complaints can help you to eventually live a serene and complaint free life. Take a look at what you’re complaining about, use it to get back on track living the life you want and start living a complaint free life today.
© Deborah A. Lindholm
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools. If you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at www.serenitymatters.com
The Benefits of Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone
By · CommentsMost of us are risk aversive. In other words, we prefer to play it safe. Stick to what is usual and customary. Don’t rock the boat. Be comfortable.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong or trite about wanting to be comfortable. We say things like, “I just want to make a comfortable living. I want a comfortable home. I want to be in a comfortable job. I want to feel comfortable with my spouse. I want to feel comfortable in my clothes.” When we’re comfortable, we feel safe and secure and stable, which are all desirable states to be in.
Sometimes in everlasting states of comfort however we can easily slide into stagnation or complacency and end up feeling blah or lack passion for our relationships or for our work or for life in general. If this happens, that’s a sign to rock your boat and get uncomfortable. Getting uncomfortable can stimulate personal growth in ways that are unpredictable.
How do you get out of your comfort zone? This can be done in a lot of different ways that are as unique as you are. You might take the longest route to and from work. Maybe you join a group to learn a foreign language or you volunteer to be in charge of a fundraiser. You could experiment with being kind to someone that you’ve disliked and avoided. Perhaps get up at 5:00 a.m. and devote an hour of quiet time to do automatic writing.
Here are a few general guidelines for when you decide to get out of your comfort zone:
- Put yourself in a situation that is out of the ordinary
- Be around people that are different from the norm
- Take unprecedented action towards another person
- Vary one aspect of your routine in an extraordinary way
- Do the unusual or the unexpected
Whether you take baby steps or a giant step, notice what happens when you go beyond your usual comfort level. It’s common to feel nervous, unsure of yourself, fearful, confused or timid or any other distressing or uncomfortable feelings and sensations. That’s the whole point. In You2 by Price Pritchett, he writes in his chapter Get uncomfortable, “Uneasiness is a predictable psychological reaction when a quantum leap is underway.”
The goal is to get uncomfortable and then observe how you react and how you feel and do whatever it is anyway even if you’re scared. Much can be gained from getting out of your comfort zone, you may find that you:
- Become acutely aware of your strengths and your challenges
- Awaken inner gifts and resources that you didn’t know you had
- Transform anxiety into excitement without really trying
- Gain courage and set your sights higher
- Make an unexpected quantum leap
The status quo, routine and knowing what to expect each day is highly comforting when you’re subjected to chaos and distress that’s out of your control. On the other hand, if you’ve set things up in your life so that you can skate by and ignore your potential or hide out in some way and not share your gifts with the world, then that’s another situation. You might want to go out on a limb in some way and check your self-imposed limits. Exceptional rewards await you.
© Deborah A. Lindholm
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools.
Signs You Are Disempowered in Your Relationship
By · CommentsTo be disempowered in your relationship means that you allow your partner to have more control over your life and circumstances than you exercise. You give up your power in favor of him or her and you end up feeling confused, helpless and hopeless. This can take place over time and happen without your conscious awareness.
The most extreme disempowerment comes about in cases of domestic violence or verbal and emotional abuse. In these cases, safety has to be the main concern and seeking professional guidance and the assistance of authorities is warranted.
Even under less severe circumstances, when a person enters into a romantic relationship or gets married, unknown triggers can go off within their psyche and change everything. In this context, triggers refer to situations, events, memories or even words and body language that cause an individual to act differently in a relationship. The triggers change how the person would normally behave under other circumstances outside of the relationship.
When we initially act differently towards and around our partner than our usual nature, things can get complicated in the relationship later on. At first, we might make seemingly small concessions in the spirit of compromise or to please our partner. However if we continue doing this, expectations get cemented in about who we are and resentment can occur within our partner when we attempt to be our authentic self. Feelings of being trapped can set in on our part.
Take notice that you may be disempowered in your relationship if any of the following sounds familiar:
- You deny your true feelings, beliefs and desires
- It’s nearly always about what he/she wants
- You’re not who you used to be
- You think this as good as it gets
- You hide purchases of products and services
- He/she doesn’t know your best friends or you have none
- You are afraid to make a change
The root cause of the changes in our behavior and attitudes may stem from how we believe we are supposed to act in a committed relationship. There can be a tendency to subconsciously repeat the behaviors we observed in our family of origin and we aren’t even aware that we’re doing this.
If you’ve ever thought that you or your partner act like your mother or father, that’s a clue. You may want to look at this and evaluate whether or not taking on the behaviors of your parents in your own relationship works for you.
Even if your self-esteem and self-confidence are intact prior to entering into your relationship or marriage, you may find that this changes when you alter who you are even in small ways for someone else. It may seem easy to do in the beginning, but it really is unhealthy for you and your partner in the long run.
Ultimately we feel the stress of having to maintain our facade of happiness or we start to slip and can no longer maintain whatever it is that we’ve been allowing in the relationship that goes against our true self. Unhappiness and dissatisfaction can become the norm accompanied by aggressive or passive behaviors on our part. If this happens, being honest with your partner about your true feelings gives both of you a chance to re-evaluate the relationship and how you relate to each other when you are being authentic.
Realistically, your partner may be unable to accept you or alter their behavior to accommodate you or be authentic themselves. Obviously, you both have the option to stay in the relationship or leave.
None of this is easy, but the price to pay for keeping things as they are when you are in a disempowered relationship is high. You risk losing your sense of self and that always leads to a vicious cycle of suffering and more disempowered feelings.
If this discussion brought up any feelings of unease within you or curiosity about the subject matter, please listen to the 10 minute recording below. It is my gift to you – an exercise that engages your conscious mind, your subconscious mind, your Higher Self and the Creator to assist you in clearing away whatever within you is allowing yourself to attract disempowering relationships or become disempowered within a relationship.
Right click the link below and save the audio file to your computer,
or click the link to listen online.
© Deborah A. Lindholm
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools. If you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at www.serenitymatters.com
How to Get Happy Right Now
By · CommentsMuch of the time, this is easier said, than done. “Be Happy!” Right!!!
When you’re feeling blue, it may seem like nothing can lift your spirits and make a difference, except for maybe some alcohol or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. These types of quick fixes are usually ineffective and can end up causing you to feel worse. We’re talking here about feeling out of sorts and unhappy as opposed to being clinically depressed, which requires professional assistance.
Many times a person believes whatever is making them unhappy in their life must be fixed before they can be happy. There is the tendency to think or say they are unhappy with their job, their marriage, their health, their finances or any number of things. In this case your thoughts may be along the lines of the following:
“If I lost 20 pounds, then I would be happy.”
“If I had a better job with benefits, then I would be happy.”
“If I could only meet someone who gets me, then I would be happy.”
“If my husband paid attention to me more, then I would be happy.”
“If we had enough money to renovate the kitchen, then I would be happy.”
Take a few moments to ponder this sentence and fill in the blanks. If I ______________, then I would be happy. However you fill in this sentence is an indication that you are spending mental energy on what you don’t have. Along with the obvious emotional distress of lamenting over what is missing in your life, creation energy is being fueled towards what is absent or lacking because that’s what your thoughts are primarily focused upon. The result? You continue to get what you already have and remain unhappy. It’s the law of attraction at work.
It’s a slippery slope to focus on the person or situation that we perceive is causing our unhappiness and hold off feeling happy until there is a resolution, which suddenly makes us happy. Along with being disempowering, an external focus usually leads to the blame game rather than taking responsibility for our own choices and actions.
Whenever we depend on other people or situations to make us happy, the chances are high that we’ll be disappointed and end up unhappy. Although we can feel happy in the presence of certain people and feel happy doing a particular type of work or feel happy where we live, happiness is a state within that doesn’t have to be tied to a situation or other people. It is a natural state of mind if we allow it to be present and consciously and continuously cultivate it.
The key to getting happy fast is to focus on something in the moment that will help you feel better. Then do another thing and another…putting your focus on what makes you feel good. Do the things that you usually take pleasure in – listen to your favorite music, watch an uplifting movie, read a good book, get your nails done, soak in the tub, smell your favorite scent, meditate, do yoga, play with your dog, read a story to your child, call your grandmother, hug your husband, order take-out or walk in the woods. Take good care of yourself – get plenty of rest, eat healthy food, move your body, relax and get some fresh air.
If you want an effective quick fix to feel happy right now, do one or all of these things. Each one only takes a few minutes.
- Watch this video
http://www.lawofattractioninteraction.com/video/GetHappy.html - Listen to this You Tube Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z3bJHUVP2w&feature=related - Activate this SVH Trigger Process – Happy Dance Trigger Process
http://serenitymatters.com/news/audio/happydancetriggerprocess.mp3
Whatever you attribute to causing your unhappiness probably includes people and situations which are out of your control and may take awhile to resolve, but that’s no reason to deprive yourself of happiness one moment at a time. Whatever you do in a moment to uplift yourself will pay dividends in the long run as you do one thing after another consecutively to make yourself feel better. The power is always in the moment and what you choose to do with it.
© Deborah A. Lindholm
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools. If you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at www.serenitymatters.com
Mr. Wonderful
By · Comments3 Steps to Bring Mr. Wonderful Closer to You
The subject of intimate relationships dominates the conversations of many women. Regardless of their age or their marital status, women are asking each other and even their male friends why they can’t seem to find Mr. Wonderful or bring out the wonderful in their current relationship.
Married women are seeking the advice of relationship experts to help them improve their marriage or decide to get out of it. Fed up with the status quo, they wonder if there’s anyone out there better than what they’ve got. Often they end up feeling guilty about their thoughts, but they’re scared to move on and can feel trapped.
Single women are mystified when they keep attracting the same kind of guy who turns out to not be “the one” or they have a guy and he’s not willing to pop the question. Frustration is high and feelings of hopelessness often set in. They too start to get scared and think – why bother? It’s easier sometimes to just be alone.
A few simple steps can actually make a big difference in attracting Mr. Wonderful or improving your relationship with him if he’s already in your life and something is missing.
Clarify what you want in your ideal relationship. Really think about the qualities that are important to you in a guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with. What values do you want him to have? What kind of personality and character is most appealing to you? What interests do you want to share with him? What kind of lifestyle do you envision? What physical characteristics do you find attractive? Does it matter if he’s been married before, is a parent or has pets? What about his level of education, vocation or financial status? Brainstorm everything that you can think of and write it all down. This is the profile of what you are choosing for your Mr. Wonderful. Read it over for at least 30 consecutive days preferably before you go to sleep and upon awakening. Let your imagination run with it if time permits.
Become accountable to yourself. As you think about your ideal guy, ask yourself – what has stopped or blocked me from having the kind of relationship I dream of? The point here is to look within yourself for the beliefs, the expectations and the behaviors that are counter-productive to what it is that you say you want. How do you sabotage the relationship? What can you change that will make a positive difference in the type of guy you attract or in the relationship that you already have? What actions can you take that you haven’t done before? Think out of your comfort zone when you ask these questions and keep track of your answers. They will probably be revealing. As you act upon them, you are taking responsibility for co-creating your relationship.
Claim your Mr. Wonderful. With the conviction that you would make standing at the altar with your ideal guy, look at your description of him and state aloud and unequivocally, “I choose these qualities or something better in my mate. I call him to me now. I ask that he be recognizable to me and me to him.” Of course, if you are already in a committed relationship that you intend to stay in, simply state, “I choose these qualities or something better in my mate.” Next, hand the whole project over to a higher power, meaning God, the Creator, the Universe, your soul, your Inner Power Source, High Self or whatever you acknowledge that is greater than your ego. Do this by mentally directing, for example, “Here God, you manage this and bring this to me. Thank you.” Every time that you think about your relationship, focus on the profile that you’re choosing rather than the lack of what is at the moment. Trust that it is finished in divine order.
There is no reason to feel disempowered or like a victim when it comes to your romantic relationship. Getting clear about what it is that you’re looking for in your ideal guy will help stop the mixed messages you send out. Taking responsibility for your role in the relationship rather than blaming the guy is far more productive than trying to control his behavior or wishing he would change. Lastly, invoking divine assistance can give your stated intentions a power boost that goes beyond your current thinking and can delightfully bring you something better in yourself or in him.
© Deborah A. Lindholm
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools.
