Archive for Relationships

Jan
02

The Power of Your Intentions

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This is the time of year people make well-meaning goals for themselves about what they “should” do – lose the weight, sip green drinks with flax seeds, and get in shape.  The gyms fill up, irritating the regulars.  But by February the gym is emptied of new members and things are back to normal.

That’s the way it goes with New Year’s resolutions.  Resolutions often don’t work because people are concentrating on their negative traits, asking “What’s wrong with me?” and “How can I fix it?” Resolutions can be associated with denying oneself pleasure and suffering to get results.  It’s almost as if you were “bad” last year and you punish yourself — at least until you slack off – then you receive the added bonus of feeling even worse now that you’re a failure too.

There is an easier, gentler and more effective way to go – by using the power of intentions every day – not just at the start of the year.  Intentions can be used for each situation you encounter.  You can wake up in the morning and have an intention for your day: “I intend to accomplish my tasks with joy, ease and grace.”  Or set an intention before you walk into a meeting about the desired outcome, how you want to feel, or that all hearts will align for the highest good.

Intentions are propelled by the momentum of renewal and flow.  They change as you grow because they are predicated on taking your emotional temperature.  A good question to ask is “How do I want to feel in this situation?”

Exercise: Setting Intentions

As you go about your days this week, practice setting intentions: Think of how you will feel and what a difference it will make in your life.  You can set intentions for:

  • The entire day
  • Phone calls with clients
  • Meetings or client sessions at work
  • Your exercise routine
  • Dinnertime with the kids
  • Exchanges with your spouse
  • Homework time
  • Personal projects or special events

Just thinking about the desired outcome makes you feel uplifted, and it’s possible to make an overarching intention for your life, such as “I am healthy, loving, prosperous and joyful.”

Keep your intentions evolving and notice when they don’t motivate you anymore.  As you use this tool, you’ll find you may achieve the desired outcome, but you might not feel the way you want to — there’s a missing element.  You’ll always need to modify, deepen or change intentions entirely as you grow.  Say you achieved your money goal but you’re exhausted.  Your next intention may be that your work will seem like play.  And when you add concepts such as “happy surprises,” you leave room for something good to happen outside the realm of what you can conceive.

Exercise:  Expanding Your World with Intentions

The more you set intentions, the more you are consciously co-creating your life.  To further reinforce this, make lists of intentions and be sure to check them off.

Every day congratulate yourself for what you accomplished.  At times, a celebration may even be in order.

Read client testimonials or thank you cards over and over.  Really take in the words and be aware of the powerful and positive contribution you are making.

By the same token, give recognition to others when they do something notable, and speak from your heart.  Not many people notice and comment on others’ attributes, so it takes some courage.  Think back to things people have said about you and notice how it gave you confidence.  As you do that for others, you are creating a positive intention for them, and a ripple effect of kindness that can change the world as you know it.

© Deborah A. Lindholm

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? ? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah Lindholm works with individuals ready to move beyond the fear, confusion or doubt that holds them back, by learning to work with their inner awareness and inner power and apply that deep inner wisdom in their life where it counts. If  you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at www.serenitymatters.com

To be disempowered in your relationship means that you allow your partner to have more control over your life and circumstances than you exercise. You give up your power in favor of him or her and you end up feeling confused, helpless and hopeless. This can take place over time and happen without your conscious awareness.

The most extreme disempowerment comes about in cases of domestic violence or verbal and emotional abuse. In these cases, safety has to be the main concern and seeking professional guidance and the assistance of authorities is warranted.

Even under less severe circumstances, when a person enters into a romantic relationship or gets married, unknown triggers can go off within their psyche and change everything. In this context, triggers refer to situations, events, memories or even words and body language that cause an individual to act differently in a relationship. The triggers change how the person would normally behave under other circumstances outside of the relationship.

When we initially act differently towards and around our partner than our usual nature, things can get complicated in the relationship later on. At first, we might make seemingly small concessions in the spirit of compromise or to please our partner. However if we continue doing this, expectations get cemented in about who we are and resentment can occur within our partner when we attempt to be our authentic self. Feelings of being trapped can set in on our part.

Take notice that you may be disempowered in your relationship if any of the following sounds familiar:

  • You deny your true feelings, beliefs and desires
  • It’s nearly always about what he/she wants
  • You’re not who you used to be
  • You think this as good as it gets
  • You hide purchases of products and services
  • He/she doesn’t know your best friends or you have none
  • You are afraid to make a change

The root cause of the changes in our behavior and attitudes may stem from how we believe we are supposed to act in a committed relationship. There can be a tendency to subconsciously repeat the behaviors we observed in our family of origin and we aren’t even aware that we’re doing this.

If you’ve ever thought that you or your partner act like your mother or father, that’s a clue. You may want to look at this and evaluate whether or not taking on the behaviors of your parents in your own relationship works for you.

Even if your self-esteem and self-confidence are intact prior to entering into your relationship or marriage, you may find that this changes when you alter who you are even in small ways for someone else. It may seem easy to do in the beginning, but it really is unhealthy for you and your partner in the long run.

Ultimately we feel the stress of having to maintain our facade of happiness or we start to slip and can no longer maintain whatever it is that we’ve been allowing in the relationship that goes against our true self. Unhappiness and dissatisfaction can become the norm accompanied by aggressive or passive behaviors on our part. If this happens, being honest with your partner about your true feelings gives both of you a chance to re-evaluate the relationship and how you relate to each other when you are being authentic.

Realistically, your partner may be unable to accept you or alter their behavior to accommodate you or be authentic themselves. Obviously, you both have the option to stay in the relationship or leave.

None of this is easy, but the price to pay for keeping things as they are when you are in a disempowered relationship is high. You risk losing your sense of self and that always leads to a vicious cycle of suffering and more disempowered feelings.

If this discussion brought up any feelings of unease within you or curiosity about the subject matter, please listen to the 10 minute recording below. It is my gift to you – an exercise that engages your conscious mind, your subconscious mind, your Higher Self and the Creator to assist you in clearing away whatever within you is allowing yourself to attract disempowering relationships or become disempowered within a relationship.

Right click the link below and save the audio file to your computer,
or click the link to listen online.

Your Relationship Clearing

© Deborah A. Lindholm

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools. If  you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at www.serenitymatters.com

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Jul
22

Mr. Wonderful

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3 Steps to Bring Mr. Wonderful Closer to You

The subject of intimate relationships dominates the conversations of many women.  Regardless of their age or their marital status, women are asking each other and even their male friends why they can’t seem to find Mr. Wonderful or bring out the wonderful in their current relationship.

Married women are seeking the advice of relationship experts to help them improve their marriage or decide to get out of it. Fed up with the status quo, they wonder if there’s anyone out there better than what they’ve got. Often they end up feeling guilty about their thoughts, but they’re scared to move on and can feel trapped.

Single women are mystified when they keep attracting the same kind of guy who turns out to not be “the one” or they have a guy and he’s not willing to pop the question. Frustration is high and feelings of hopelessness often set in. They too start to get scared and think – why bother? It’s easier sometimes to just be alone.

A few simple steps can actually make a big difference in attracting Mr. Wonderful or improving your relationship with him if he’s already in your life and something is missing.

Clarify what you want in your ideal relationship. Really think about the qualities that are important to you in a guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with. What values do you want him to have? What kind of personality and character is most appealing to you? What interests do you want to share with him? What kind of lifestyle do you envision? What physical characteristics do you find attractive? Does it matter if he’s been married before, is a parent or has pets? What about his level of education, vocation or financial status? Brainstorm everything that you can think of and write it all down. This is the profile of what you are choosing for your Mr. Wonderful. Read it over for at least 30 consecutive days preferably before you go to sleep and upon awakening. Let your imagination run with it if time permits.

Become accountable to yourself. As you think about your ideal guy, ask yourself – what has stopped or blocked me from having the kind of relationship I dream of? The point here is to look within yourself for the beliefs, the expectations and the behaviors that are counter-productive to what it is that you say you want. How do you sabotage the relationship? What can you change that will make a positive difference in the type of guy you attract or in the relationship that you already have? What actions can you take that you haven’t done before? Think out of your comfort zone when you ask these questions and keep track of your answers. They will probably be revealing. As you act upon them, you are taking responsibility for co-creating your relationship.

Claim your Mr. Wonderful. With the conviction that you would make standing at the altar with your ideal guy, look at your description of him and state aloud and unequivocally, “I choose these qualities or something better in my mate. I call him to me now. I ask that he be recognizable to me and me to him.” Of course, if you are already in a committed relationship that you intend to stay in, simply state, “I choose these qualities or something better in my mate.” Next, hand the whole project over to a higher power, meaning God, the Creator, the Universe, your soul, your Inner Power Source, High Self or whatever you acknowledge that is greater than your ego. Do this by mentally directing, for example, “Here God, you manage this and bring this to me. Thank you.” Every time that you think about your relationship, focus on the profile that you’re choosing rather than the lack of what is at the moment. Trust that it is finished in divine order.

There is no reason to feel disempowered or like a victim when it comes to your romantic relationship. Getting clear about what it is that you’re looking for in your ideal guy will help stop the mixed messages you send out. Taking responsibility for your role in the relationship rather than blaming the guy is far more productive than trying to control his behavior or wishing he would change. Lastly, invoking divine assistance can give your stated intentions a power boost that goes beyond your current thinking and can delightfully bring you something better in yourself or in him.

© Deborah A. Lindholm

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools.

Categories : Relationships
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May
11

What is Motherhood Worth?

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Of course we can’t really put a value on motherhood. Motherhood is priceless; however an annual calculation by Salary.com attempts to put a price on it. The company has devised a method for calculating the monetary value of the primary tasks a mother does for her family as if it was one paid job. For the past 10 years, the company has surveyed stay-at-home mothers and applied their method to calculate a national base salary for the position of motherhood.

Salary.com found in 2010 that the value of the work performed by a stay-at-home mom amounts to $122,732 in workplace salary. A mother who works 40 hours a week outside of her home also performs work at home that is comparable to $76, 184 in paid earnings. These figures represent what employers would have to pay in cash for all the jobs that mothers ordinarily do.

In order to arrive at the national base salary for moms, researchers at Salary.com gathered data from over 28,000 mothers and determined the top 10 jobs that they perform. Typically, a stay-at-home mom does work similar to the following paid positions:

1. Laundry machine operator
2. Janitor
3. Van driver
4. Housekeeper
5. Computer operator
6. Cook
7. Daycare center teacher
8. Facilities manager
9. Psychologist
10. Chief executive officer

The researchers compiled the average amount of time that a mom spent at the various jobs during a week. Utilizing compensation specialists, Salary.com applied employer pay rates for the jobs and weighted the amount of time spent at each job to come up with the average national salary for stay-at-home moms. The base figure, of course, could vary by geographic location, number of children and other factors.

Not surprisingly, the surveys revealed that stay-at-home moms and working moms put in significant amounts of overtime on the job as mother. For the stay-at-home mom overtime amounted to 56 hours a week, bringing her workweek total to 96 hours. A mom working outside of the home added 17 hours of overtime to her regular hours as a mom, plus a full time job outside of the home.

How important is the calculation to moms? That is a matter of personal opinion. Often, an individual consciously or unconsciously ties their self-worth to the amount of money they earn. Many women naturally know the high intangible value of the job of motherhood, which is commonly referred to as the most important job in the world. The calculation might not mean much to those women. It could be reaffirming however for some moms who might feel unappreciated or taken for granted.

For Salary.com, the annual calculation appears to be a way to acknowledge the important economic contribution of mothers. The company also has the opportunity to showcase the free tools and resources that they offer job hunters and employers.

If you’re curious about what you would get paid as a mom, go to Salary.com and have fun with the Mom Salary Wizard. This is one of the tools that the company offers and you’ll be able to find out what the going rate is for your job, adjusted for your geographic location and number of children. It may be a self-empowering exercise for you or perhaps a disempowering one, but information is power. What you do with that information is your choice and it could stimulate some personal growth, which by nature is self-empowering.

© Deborah A. Lindholm

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools. If  you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at www.serenitymatters.com

Categories : Relationships
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Statistics show 1 in 3 women will be abused in a relationship. However, the statistics might actually be higher due to the fact that many women never report the abuse. This abuse can take on a number of forms, such as physical, mental or verbal abuse, just to name a few. And, of course, there are all forms of disrespectful and dishonoring behaviors that can take place between couples.

Although many women are consciously aware they are being abused in one way or the other, they make a choice to stay in the relationship anyhow. They may have been asked by friends and family why they stay in the relationship, yet they can’t seem to explain it fully. There are particular reasons that may cross their minds though, and many hold on to them to keep from taking that important step to get out of the unhealthy situation. Reasons can run the gamut of the following -

  • Love – Although you experience times of abuse you still love your partner, as he/she can be very loving towards you at other times.
  • Fear – Perhaps you have been threatened by your partner. They may have said they would hurt or kill you, or harm someone you care about if you leave.
  • Blaming yourself – Perhaps your partner blames you for his/her behavior. Or maybe you blame yourself, thinking you have done something to deserve this reaction.
  • Not wanting to be alone – You may feel fear at the thought of being without your partner.
  • Financial dependence – You may count on your partner’s income for your financial needs.
  • Shame or embarrassment – You may be afraid to admit what you are going through in case people think less of you.
  • Children – Many women stay in abusive relationships because they are hesitant to uproot the children.
  • Drug and alcohol dependencies – To help mask the painful feelings that result from the abuse, many people choose to turn to drugs and alcohol, which further clouds their thinking.

Many other reasons may be added to this list, such as lack of support from family and friends, a belief that no one else will ever love you, you are not good enough or deserving of a better relationship, fear of being homeless, feeling overwhelmed or depressed, or hopelessness in general.

Breaking this abusive and painful cycle can be a difficult experience, but it is doable. There is the possibility of the cycle being generations long. From parent to child again and again, this cycle can become firmly imprinted in family dynamics or be linked to a genetic predisposition. A new lease on life is available if you are open to the opportunities and willing to clear the patterns within yourself that subconsciously led you into the abusive relationship. Hindsight and a reality check about the relationship paired with a supportive network and some outside assistance will begin to break the cycle once and for all.

Be realistic about the dynamics of this problem. Pay attention to your personal actions and those of the people around you. It can be beneficial to know the dynamics of the issues to help you break the cycle. Your needs – those being met, as well as those that aren’t, should be considered. Taking responsibility for your own feelings and choices in life is a great place to start making changes for the best.

A complete revamp of your life may be required in order to break the cycle. This includes getting back to the basics of adequate self-care. Be aware of the food you eat, how and when you exercise as well as the people you surround yourself with. Find new activities to change your routine, allowing yourself to be exposed to different kinds of experiences. New hobbies, joining a new group or making new and different friendships could possibly give you the confidence needed to make this change in your life. Getting outside help and forming a support system is highly recommended.

© Deborah A. Lindholm

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools. If  you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at www.serenitymatters.com

Categories : Relationships
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Disclaimer

As always, please consult with qualified health professionals before putting session or workshop ideas into practice. The ideas and techniques are not meant to diagnose or replace the need for medical attention or professional mental health care.

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