Signs You Are Disempowered in Your Relationship


To be disempowered in your relationship means that you allow your partner to have more control over your life and circumstances than you exercise. You give up your power in favor of him or her and you end up feeling confused, helpless and hopeless. This can take place over time and happen without your conscious awareness.

The most extreme disempowerment comes about in cases of domestic violence or verbal and emotional abuse. In these cases, safety has to be the main concern and seeking professional guidance and the assistance of authorities is warranted.

Even under less severe circumstances, when a person enters into a romantic relationship or gets married, unknown triggers can go off within their psyche and change everything. In this context, triggers refer to situations, events, memories or even words and body language that cause an individual to act differently in a relationship. The triggers change how the person would normally behave under other circumstances outside of the relationship.

When we initially act differently towards and around our partner than our usual nature, things can get complicated in the relationship later on. At first, we might make seemingly small concessions in the spirit of compromise or to please our partner. However if we continue doing this, expectations get cemented in about who we are and resentment can occur within our partner when we attempt to be our authentic self. Feelings of being trapped can set in on our part.

Take notice that you may be disempowered in your relationship if any of the following sounds familiar:

  • You deny your true feelings, beliefs and desires
  • It’s nearly always about what he/she wants
  • You’re not who you used to be
  • You think this as good as it gets
  • You hide purchases of products and services
  • He/she doesn’t know your best friends or you have none
  • You are afraid to make a change

The root cause of the changes in our behavior and attitudes may stem from how we believe we are supposed to act in a committed relationship. There can be a tendency to subconsciously repeat the behaviors we observed in our family of origin and we aren’t even aware that we’re doing this.

If you’ve ever thought that you or your partner act like your mother or father, that’s a clue. You may want to look at this and evaluate whether or not taking on the behaviors of your parents in your own relationship works for you.

Even if your self-esteem and self-confidence are intact prior to entering into your relationship or marriage, you may find that this changes when you alter who you are even in small ways for someone else. It may seem easy to do in the beginning, but it really is unhealthy for you and your partner in the long run.

Ultimately we feel the stress of having to maintain our facade of happiness or we start to slip and can no longer maintain whatever it is that we’ve been allowing in the relationship that goes against our true self. Unhappiness and dissatisfaction can become the norm accompanied by aggressive or passive behaviors on our part. If this happens, being honest with your partner about your true feelings gives both of you a chance to re-evaluate the relationship and how you relate to each other when you are being authentic.

Realistically, your partner may be unable to accept you or alter their behavior to accommodate you or be authentic themselves. Obviously, you both have the option to stay in the relationship or leave.

None of this is easy, but the price to pay for keeping things as they are when you are in a disempowered relationship is high. You risk losing your sense of self and that always leads to a vicious cycle of suffering and more disempowered feelings.

If this discussion brought up any feelings of unease within you or curiosity about the subject matter, please listen to the 10 minute recording below. It is my gift to you – an exercise that engages your conscious mind, your subconscious mind, your Higher Self and the Creator to assist you in clearing away whatever within you is allowing yourself to attract disempowering relationships or become disempowered within a relationship.

Right click the link below and save the audio file to your computer,
or click the link to listen online.

Your Relationship Clearing

© Deborah A. Lindholm

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, but you must include the following resource information in its entirety: Deborah and Michael Lindholm are co-owners of Serenity Matters, LLC. They are dedicated to empowering clients and students with the Serenity Vibration Healing® tools. If  you’re ready to awaken your inner power and surge forward in your life, get your FREE tips at


  1. julian says:

    What do you mean by ask the creator if as if it is divine alignment to implement this….You lost me on the Clearing exercise. Everthing was making sense up untill this point. I feel very disempowered by my girlfreind. She is critical of me and makes me feel silenced. Is she the “creator”? If you could please explain further

    • Deborah says:

      Thank you for your inquiry, Julian.

      I apologize for this extremely late response. I will not go into the circumstances that led me to only now discover your comment…I’ll just say that I have not been engaged here for valid and serious reasons.

      The Creator in this context is God, the Creator, Source, Higher Self, Higher Power…or any other way you acknowledge the Power that is greater than your ego and mind.

      It is as simple as following along with the exercise…and taking a moment of silence to acknowledge the Creator. If you want to acknowledge this part of you that is connected to God, the Creator, it is a matter of pausing…and consciously exercising your free will to do so, by saying “Yes.”

      By saying “yes” in the Clearing exercise, you are giving permission to God to manage the situation for you at a higher level than your conscious mind can understand. It’s a way to get all levels of your consciousness on board with what you want for your life.

      This does not relieve you or your girlfriend from the need to communicate with each other, take appropriate action, and change your behaviors with each other.

      You and your girlfriend are creators of your own lives. We all are responsible for own lives, including our behaviors and reactions and responses to others.

      Again, thank you for your questions.

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As always, please consult with qualified health professionals before putting session or workshop ideas into practice. The ideas and techniques are not meant to diagnose or replace the need for medical attention or professional mental health care.

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